One of the best gifts Alice Dahmer, founder of luxury gift concierge service Mr. Concierge Service, ever received was a bracelet she received with her husband early in their relationship.

They were traveling together and stopped at a small store. Admiring the jewelry, she found a bracelet she liked and tried it on before putting it back in the case and starting walking. Didn’t she want to buy it? No, she told him, he needed to be practical.

A few weeks later, he returned to the store, worked with the store clerk to find something she liked, and bought it for her.

What made the gift special, Dahmer said, wasn’t the price tag or even how excited he was to wear it. It was that he cared enough that she liked it so much that he went to all the trouble to find it again for her.

Valentine’s Day is approaching, and Dahmer is currently busy helping his clients, mostly men in relationships, scramble to find presents for the day. Sure, becoming a thoughtful gift giver takes time and effort, but it’s not impossible, she said.

She and other experts offer guidance to help you break down the myths that keep you thinking you can’t choose a good gift and make your partner feel loved this holiday.

“The perfect gift says, ‘I hear you, I see you, and I appreciate you,'” Dahmer says.

Dahmer says brand-name luxury goods, such as popular designer bags, aren’t always as great as people think.

She recommends gifts that show you’re paying attention and take time to choose. Dahmer advises customers to prioritize observing their partner first before making a purchase.

What stage of life are they in? When a three-week postpartum mom wears expensive lingerie, she says, it can feel like she’s not reading the mood in the room. Is there something you use every day that could be upgraded? Is there a problem you can solve for them?

Let’s say you think about the next year and realize that you and your wife will be attending seven weddings. Ms. Dahmer may recommend purchasing an evening clutch to make you feel special for these events. Another client told me that her partner who commutes to work complains that her bag is too heavy, so she might find a nice alternative that’s lighter and more supportive.

The key is to find something your special someone can use regularly and might not have bought themselves, Dahmer said, and it shows that you’re paying attention to their wants and needs.

The practice is not as simple as picking flowers on the way home. That kind of thoughtfulness means starting as early as possible and perhaps taking regular notes about things you hear them mention that they admire or need, she added.

However, there is a careful line between solving problems and being too hands-on.

Julian Zibi, Ph.D., associate professor of marketing at West Virginia University’s John Chambers College of Business Economics, says gifts that can be used regularly by loved ones are often appreciated, but toasters can break. His research focuses on consumer behavior in the context of gift giving.

The vacation is about a little pampering and indulgence, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be expensive, Dahmer said.

Many people believe that the amount they spend on a gift is directly related to how much the recipient will appreciate it. But as long as you meet reasonable expectations, the person you’re giving the gift to is unlikely to care all that much about how you spend your money, says Evan Polman, Ph.D., a marketing professor at the Wisconsin School of Business at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He also focuses on gift decision making.

For something useful and special, think about upgrades available to your partner that you might not have purchased yourself. A cashmere scarf may be necessary for many people, especially in the cold winter months. As another example, Dahmer added that a nice set of pajamas is something most people can use and enjoy.

To make it feel a little more special, look for something in festive colors, she said.

When it comes to gifts, people tend to prefer giving material things, but people enjoy experiences longer, Zibi said.

As exciting as new jewelry is, you may want to consider putting some of that money toward tickets to your partner’s favorite band or to take them to a couples massage, he said.

The purpose of gifts is to maintain relationships, especially during holidays focused on love, Polman said, and gifting a loved one an activity or experience to do together is a great way to communicate your level of care while still spending quality time together.

Even if you want to buy a gift for your loved one to open, Polman says you can make it even more special by pairing it with an experience. Matching aprons can match a cooking class you’re attending together, warm gloves hint at an upcoming winter hike, or a nice bottle of wine can go with a picnic for two.

“It’s a good gift because it creates memories,” Polman said.

Gibi said she sees desperate men sifting through cobwebs on grocery and drugstore shelves every year the day before Valentine’s Day, looking for leftover traditional gifts.

Classic things like roses, chocolates, and teddy bears are also fine. But if you want your gift to send a thoughtful message, Zibi says you need to be careful not to send the message that you’re just checking a box with an accessory.

Presentations can make a difference, Polman said.

Remove the plastic wrap from the flowers from the store. If you want to be really adventurous, put it in a vase, Dahmer said. Sure, a box of chocolates is great, but you can take it up a notch by packing a jar of chocolate candies wrapped in pink and red foil, she said.

If you really want to make a big impact, she added, get a card, sit down, and write something with a little heart.

“Sometimes we use very thoughtful things to show that we care about them. Sometimes we use expensive things for people who don’t have money. Sometimes we use words to show them,” Zivi said.

If the gift doesn’t work out, open your Notes app and start paying attention to what your partner says when you’re not asking them what they want.

As you watch and listen, hints (deliberately or accidentally) will be dropped about what will work next year.

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