Michael Rapaport is the worst of the best in ‘Traitor’

Let’s be charitable and call Michael Rapaport a multi-hyphenate. At various points in Season 4 of Traitor, the actor and reality podcaster claims to be more of a housewife than a Real Housewife, a “best-looking, smartest, worst-of-the-best, loyal, loyal person” and a “fucking shit talker.”

At least the third claim is true. He’s a shitty trash talker in the sense that it’s awful.

Champion trash talkers are masters of heckling. You never want to be their target, but watching their ferocious mob work from a safe distance mainly puts you at risk of spitting and peeing. Rapaport wishes he had such resourcefulness. At the premiere, he said, “I feel like there’s a housewife inside me. It’s like a housewife trying to break out!” He omits that his inner housewife is a Jersey-bred table flipper. All screeching and meaningless. The best he can do about fellow contestant Yamil “Yum Yam” Arocho is scream like a donkey in labor that Arocho is full of “big, thick ‘traitor’ doo-doo.”

“I don’t play games!” Rapaport barked in the same scene, prompting teammate Ron Funches to deadpan, “You’re playing games right now.”

The sad thing is that Rapaport plays “Traitor” better than Funchess. While Funches hurls unsubstantiated accusations and complaints in this episode, he makes a strong case against another contestant, Atlanta housewife Porsha Williams, during the expulsion debate. He succeeds in turning the crowd against her, only to find that he has knifed an innocent woman, and worse, one of the housewives everyone loves and fears. Now, the rest of the population is rejecting this nice guy, while Rappaport continues to run amok.

“The Traitors” is an unscripted competition for people who say they don’t watch reality TV. You don’t need to know much about Bravo celebrities or gamers to enjoy this game. Just spending a little time at the grocery store checkout is enough to soak up highlights from “The Real Housewives” and “Love Island.” The rest is basic psychology practice. Even the most witty TV buff can’t resist Alan Cumming, who plays the hilariously sadistic resident of Ardross Castle, essentially hosting a closed-circle murder mystery.

(Ewan Cherry/Peacock) “The Traitors” by Michael Rapaport and Tiffany Mitchell

Although the cast is new, the essential rules remain the same. Most of the players are innocent people called loyalists, but Cumming secretly selects some to be traitors.

The Faithful contingent includes several Bravo and MTV stars. “Survivor,” “Big Brother” and “Love Island” veteran. “Bachelor”. Singer songwriter. Two Olympic figure skaters. Mother of Jason Kelsey and Travis Kelsey. Winner of “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” “Dancing with the Stars” professional. and Rappaport, star of “Zebrahead” and “Higher Learning,” who reached the pinnacle of his career.

OK, he’s done plenty of other work since then, including directing the 2011 documentary Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest. Somehow, he found himself wandering around the New York hip-hop scene without taking to heart the message conveyed in Run-DMC’s “You Talk Too Much.”

Most recently, his character appeared long enough on “Fallout.” Killed by a mutant bear. But New York may be hearing more from him in the future. he announced that he would run for mayor in the 2029 municipal election.

No one is convinced that he is a traitor, and if he is, as some people have whispered, his confusion would either be a genius or, in the eyes of the rest of the world, stupid.

Other game shows are pushing lower boobs to greater heights, but Rapaport has nowhere to go but up. At the moment, he is a minor celebrity in this round, similar to notables like former Speaker of the House of Commons John Bercow, who was also elected in the second season, and Lord Ivor Mountbatten (the king’s cousin) in season three.

(Ewan Cherry/Peacock) Michael Rapaport in “The Traitors”

Although they charmed us with their gentle arrogance and aloofness, Rappaport’s annoyance causes collateral damage, like the odor of a chronically unbathed person hits bystanders. His loyal ally Eric Nam grills him that his verbal abuse is ruining everyone else’s game. And traitors love it.

This season has been a particularly unfortunate one for Faithfuls. The team’s fog machine failure was due to the producers adding a traitor, a murderer whose identity was kept secret from everyone, including other traitors and viewers. The mystery lasted for all three episodes, but most players recorded Taylor Swift’s soon-to-be mother-in-law, Donna Kelce, on the first night. Fearing Swifty’s retaliation, they hesitated to act on their instincts.

Getting rid of him won’t win the war, but damn it if we don’t keep watching until that happens.

But it’s good that innocent people have already defeated one demon, despite Kelce’s overwhelming kindness. Every day a traitor remains in the game, a loyal one is killed. If one player remains hidden at the end, he or she walks away with the entire jackpot, which can reach up to $250,000.

But it also means that all believers who are expelled by majority vote of their peers make a mistake that could have eliminated the traitor. And this puts everyone but Rapaport in an interesting but awkward position. No one is convinced that he is a traitor, and if he is, as some people have whispered, his confusion would either be a genius or, in the eyes of the rest of the world, stupid.

So the question is: Is eliminating a two-faced killer worth more than eliminating an enemy with all the charm of a raging, snot-dripping superflu? Which is more important: winning peace or prioritizing peace?

Isn’t this the conundrum of our time, and aren’t we lucky that this fool reminds us of this with each new episode?

Hmm.

As the show established last season, the people we’re conditioned to see as villains or heels aren’t necessarily traitors. Unless, of course, that’s the case.

In Season 3, former Vanderpump Rules star Tom Sandoval joined the cast, appearing in disgrace but leaving as a slightly more likable character. This was not the case for “Boston Rob” Mariano, who was added as a wild card midseason. He immediately began betraying all those in his way, including other traitors.

But Mariano is great at coming across as trustworthy. So he survived much longer than he should have by convincing his prey, including Zac Efron’s wide-eyed brother Dylan, that he was the all-too-obvious assassin.

And this is why Rapaport is such a well-acted sufferer. He speaks the truth every time he cries out, “I am your most faithful believer!” And yet, every time he opens his mouth, a small corner of the earth is obliterated by exhaust fumes. Getting rid of him won’t win the war, but damn it if we don’t keep watching until that happens.

(Ewan Cherry/Peacock) Rob Rausch “The Traitors”

Rapaport may be the obvious drawback of season 4, but there are also things to look forward to. He’s not the only actor in the cast. “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” survivor Lisa Rinna is working on her glutes. So far, neither she nor former Potomac Housewife Candice Dillard Bassett or “Love Island” alum Rob Roush are on the traitor’s radar. But it should be.

Dillard and Rinna are a little too cheerful, slitting throats at night and lying to the rest of the sheep over breakfast, but Rausch is a silent butcher who says little and plays into the assumption that the rest of the group are just F-boys on Love Island. Those who like a bit of light-dark interplay in their trashy TV ensembles might fall in love with this guy, if only because he’s a powerful adversary balanced out by Rapaport’s eccentric strength. When asked by Cumming how he plans to use the power of the traitor’s cloak, our hembo hero shrugs and answers quite simply. “Just kill some people.” We don’t appreciate the quiet ones enough.


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What about Rappaport’s exasperated loyalists? In the third episode, the challenge is to keep half of the animal skulls in a cage while your partner stacks them in a tower and releases them.

Rappaport volunteers to be placed in a kennel, and “Big Brother” contestant Tiffany Mitchell takes it upon herself to fight for him. It was the perfect opportunity to put him on the table. But Mitchell is a team player, so in the end Rapaport will survive and have another day of loud bickering, perhaps complaining about the unfairness of life over that night’s pasta buffet.

Meanwhile, cool-headed “Top Chef” host Kristen Kish, Nam, Stanberry and Funches, this season’s Charlie Brown, end their day blindfolded and tied to a tree in the dark as a hooded figure with an ax lurks nearby.

An apt metaphor for everything going on these days, don’t you think?

But take comfort in knowing that the loud guy will eventually come into his own, probably soon, but probably later than we’d like. Even if you think reality TV shouldn’t have anything to sink your teeth into, the anticipation of relief from Rapaport’s eventual exit is a sweet treat worth savoring. Until then, enjoy the weekly moment of relief delivered every time Cumming says, “Players, your time for talking is over.” These words alone have the power to silence this man.

“The Traitors” streams Thursdays on Peacock.

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